I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
