So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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