just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
