The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
