watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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