Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
