Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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