Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
