we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
