This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
