she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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