Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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