Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize