Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
