were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
