Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
