So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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