I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
