mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
