I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize