Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
