Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
