3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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