Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
