So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
