Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
