My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
