Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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