Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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