the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
