I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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