I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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