Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
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In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize