he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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