My underwear smells like fireworks.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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