I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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