Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
