I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
