He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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