just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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