My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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