Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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