I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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