Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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