Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
