I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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