i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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