That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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