My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize