I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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