Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
