omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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