Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
