its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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