she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
