I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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