Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
