Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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