Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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